How to get Yeeted by the FBI: The Ivan Hunter Story
By Joe from The Gaslight Hour
Have you been feeling lonely during the pandemic? Are you having trouble making ends meet? Does your life lack structure? Well, if you follow the advice outlined below, inspired by the recent arrest of Boog Boi Ivan Hunter (affidavit here), you may find the FBI provides you with an extended state-sponsored vacation to help fulfill your needs.
1 — Shoot from the hip, be spontaneous
Some would say that if you’re going to take an incredibly risky action, you should have a plan to ensure it furthers your goals. It should send a targeted message that’s immediately clear to anyone who sees it and inspires others to action. These are the type of people who sit in their armchair all day while folks like Ivan do the real work.
Beginning on May 27th, 2020, Ivan traveled from his home state of Texas to Minneapolis to participate with his fellow Boog Bois in the then-current riots happening in the wake of George Floyd’s death during an arrest. On May 28th, two men (probably unrelated) entered the Minneapolis Third Precinct building and burned it with Molotov Cocktails.
It allegedly wasn’t enough for Ivan to watch, however. He had to be a part of it, but he didn’t know how, so he did the first thing that came to mind. He fired 13 shots into the precinct. To the more contemplative individuals mentioned above, this may seem like a stupid and irresponsible move. The precinct is burning anyway, what difference does it make? Why would you risk the jail time for such a nonproductive and federal attention-grabbing crime? Was it an anti-police message, or by potentially hitting protesters, was it an anti-protester message?
What those “contemplative” individuals fail to see is the art in Ivan’s actions here. His work is like an abstract art masterpiece, its meaning shifting depending on the person viewing it. We stare into it, and it stares right back at us. Ivan is the Jackson Pollack of our age.
Don’t think, don’t plan, just act. This is what Ludwig Von Mises meant by “spontaneous order.”
2 — There’s no better time or place to express your individuality than when you’re committing a felony
Now some may say that when you’re committing a felony, you should try to fit into the crowd. You should appear as similar to the people around you as possible. You should be in no way memorable to anyone.
Now, that just sounds like collectivism, doesn’t it? And no red-blooded libertarian is gonna take an accusation of being a collectivist sitting down!
Our man Ivan stood out in the crowd like a ray of light in a dark room. He expressed his individualism by wearing a skull mask generally associated with white supremacist groups like Attomwaffen to a Black Lives Matter rally to own the white supremacists¹. I am sure that the other people at the rally appreciated his expression of individualism and understood the message. (The message is that nazis are bad.)
But, it wasn’t enough for our intrepid individual just to wear this mask to the rally. He chose to wear this mask in the avatars for his social media profiles connected to his real name. But, even that wasn’t enough. He chose to wear this mask in multiple selfies so we could see him in the mask from multiple angles and in multiple types of lighting. But, there’s even more! He chose to make a habit of arguing with people on social media about the efficacy and morality of him wearing the mask, further connecting it with his individual identity².
His deep sense of individuality was magnetic, pulling the FBI’s confidential human sources directly into his orbit.
3 — Don’t let anyone take the credit from you, you put in the work, you should get the rewards
Some people would be happy if other groups or individuals were publicly credited with the crimes they committed. But, that’s plagiarism, and as all red-blooded libertarians know, plagiarism is a violation of the NAP.
A Twitter rando asked, “Since where [sic] are the boogaloos and BLM allies in anything?” Our man Ivan responded, “Since we burn [sic] down the third precinct in Minneapolis with them³.”
Some men, weaker of will and mind than Ivan, would hesitate before confessing to a felony on public social media. Ivan, however, realized that the failure to properly credit him was a violation of the NAP, and he sought to rectify the situation through restorative justice.
If we all stood up for our rights like Ivan, we could end the prison industrial system tomorrow, because the FBI would run out of cells to put us in.
4 — Leave behind a Legacy (Written Record)
When some people commit crimes, they attempt to leave behind as little evidence as possible and do whatever they can to disconnect themself from the scene of the crime. These men are called cucks.
Ivan, like the brave embodiment of libertarian philosophy he is, left a trail of breadcrumbs across multiple social media platforms hinting at his activities on the night of the shooting. Ivan communicated and coordinated with his fellow Boog Bois over the secure messaging app entitled Facebook Messenger.
But, coordinating over Facebook messenger wasn’t enough. Quoting the affidavit:
HUNTER immediately made various statements on social media about his actions in Minneapolis. For example, On May 30, HUNTER sent a message to another individual stating, “I set fire to that precinct with the black community,” followed by “Minneapolis third precinct.” On May 31, HUNTER sent the following message to another individual: “My mom would call the fbi if she knew what I do and at the level I’m at w[ith] it.” Along with this message, HUNTER posted the following photographs of what appear [sic] to be an AK-47 style assault rifle [sic] with a distinctive floral-patterned magazine inserted into the firearm…
Ivan’s individualistic choice of firearm magazine and his brave decision to post photographs of it on social media allowed the police to further link the account to his identity when they arrested him and seized his firearms.
In private Facebook messages with an FBI informant, “he admitted to the CHS [confidential human source] that he had fired his AK-47 into the precinct building in Minneapolis, had helped set the structure on fire, and had participated in looting.”
By leaving behind such a massive legacy on social media, Mr. Hunter has gifted the prosecutor overseeing his case one of the easiest Ws of their career, and will likely soon begin a long state-sponsored vacation.
Plugs
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Citations:
1. Ivan Hunter 🐍 on Twitter. (n.d.). Twitter. Retrieved October 24, 2020, from https://twitter.com/Boogiekights/status/1281375554516725760 archive
2. from:@boogiekights mask — Twitter Search / Twitter. (n.d.). Twitter. Retrieved October 23, 2020, from https://twitter.com/search?q=from%3a%40boogiekights+mask&f=live archive
3. Ivan Hunter 🐍 on Twitter. (n.d.). Twitter. Retrieved October 23, 2020, from https://twitter.com/Boogiekights/status/1279462826084454407 archive